Hey Rocco. Thanks so much for documenting your move abroad. It’s a breath of fresh air to get an authentic, boots-on-the-ground look at what the transition really feels like.
If I’m remembering correctly, you mentioned that your wife speaks Spanish fluently. I’m curious whether she’s still felt some of that same adjustment you describe around accepting “foreignness” and moving without a familiar feedback loop. I know language fluency isn’t the only part of readjustment, but it seems like an interesting contrast since you’re both adapting on the same timeline with different starting points.
Great question. Something I think about and we talk about often.
I don't want to speak for her, but I think she just experiences the same/similar things differently than me. On language, there's still an adjustment for her, but obviously not at all like mine. There are still differences in vocabulary, phrasing, and delivery, as she's from Puerto Rico originally. I learn a lot from her - not just learning Spanish, but the struggle to improve. She came to the US with about zero English and now she's fluent. So she checks me when I get frustrated, which is often.
Where she experiences a lot of what I write about transcends language. I do the same work I did in LA. She co-owns a salon and was a stylist there. So she had a very social job, very busy, with lots of feedback in her environment. She doesn't have that anymore and, even though she's following a long-time dream of hers (to live in Spain and be an artist full-time) that's still a loss and a major transition/adjustment.
I think the stuff I'm writing about applies to so many situations - moving from in-office to remote work, going self-employed, retiring. It's about not having the same systems of feedback you became used to and that helped form your identity, give you confidence, and validate you.
It's all about how you react. Which is also why I think it's bigger than just a move abroad or language thing.
That’s a really interesting take. I hadn’t thought about how the loss of familiar feedback loops shows up beyond moving abroad, and how it can be part of any big transition or new chapter. Thanks again for the great writing. I’m looking forward to reading more of your journey.
I’d differ a little in the view re service people managing emotions.
Yes, the US of A might have more people overreacting to perceived bad service.
I think the difference in genuine service vs superficial is perhaps more of a function of training and perhaps a little about location. If you are one of today’s 100 plus patrons in a bar in say Magalluf in Spain, then yep, service might be superficial. Same goes at a big diner in New York City, or at an airport.
The secret sauce is small non-chain neighbourhood place plus regular visits
I don't disagree with you at all. What you say can be true. But also, I will tell you - with zero doubt - service exists as it does in the U.S. for two reasons: 1) tips and 2) to do everything you can to ensure the person in front of you doesn't flip out on you.
Great commentary, I'm wondering how your perception of Americans will evolve each time you go back to visit. I never noticed my New Jersey accent, but after living in NYC for a few years I started to pick up the differences on my family visits. How we adjust to the two worlds that we belong to.
Hey Rocco. Thanks so much for documenting your move abroad. It’s a breath of fresh air to get an authentic, boots-on-the-ground look at what the transition really feels like.
If I’m remembering correctly, you mentioned that your wife speaks Spanish fluently. I’m curious whether she’s still felt some of that same adjustment you describe around accepting “foreignness” and moving without a familiar feedback loop. I know language fluency isn’t the only part of readjustment, but it seems like an interesting contrast since you’re both adapting on the same timeline with different starting points.
I really appreciate it. Thank you.
Great question. Something I think about and we talk about often.
I don't want to speak for her, but I think she just experiences the same/similar things differently than me. On language, there's still an adjustment for her, but obviously not at all like mine. There are still differences in vocabulary, phrasing, and delivery, as she's from Puerto Rico originally. I learn a lot from her - not just learning Spanish, but the struggle to improve. She came to the US with about zero English and now she's fluent. So she checks me when I get frustrated, which is often.
Where she experiences a lot of what I write about transcends language. I do the same work I did in LA. She co-owns a salon and was a stylist there. So she had a very social job, very busy, with lots of feedback in her environment. She doesn't have that anymore and, even though she's following a long-time dream of hers (to live in Spain and be an artist full-time) that's still a loss and a major transition/adjustment.
I think the stuff I'm writing about applies to so many situations - moving from in-office to remote work, going self-employed, retiring. It's about not having the same systems of feedback you became used to and that helped form your identity, give you confidence, and validate you.
It's all about how you react. Which is also why I think it's bigger than just a move abroad or language thing.
That’s a really interesting take. I hadn’t thought about how the loss of familiar feedback loops shows up beyond moving abroad, and how it can be part of any big transition or new chapter. Thanks again for the great writing. I’m looking forward to reading more of your journey.
I’d differ a little in the view re service people managing emotions.
Yes, the US of A might have more people overreacting to perceived bad service.
I think the difference in genuine service vs superficial is perhaps more of a function of training and perhaps a little about location. If you are one of today’s 100 plus patrons in a bar in say Magalluf in Spain, then yep, service might be superficial. Same goes at a big diner in New York City, or at an airport.
The secret sauce is small non-chain neighbourhood place plus regular visits
I don't disagree with you at all. What you say can be true. But also, I will tell you - with zero doubt - service exists as it does in the U.S. for two reasons: 1) tips and 2) to do everything you can to ensure the person in front of you doesn't flip out on you.
Great commentary, I'm wondering how your perception of Americans will evolve each time you go back to visit. I never noticed my New Jersey accent, but after living in NYC for a few years I started to pick up the differences on my family visits. How we adjust to the two worlds that we belong to.
I've pretty much decided I'm only going back when I have to.
I hope things are going well with your planning!
We are in the process of hiring the realtor to sublet our condo. Once we get a tenant we’ll book the flight and be on our way!!
Wow! That's close - and exciting.
I don’t know how we thought we could have moved in October or November. Thankfully the visas changed from a three month window to a year.