How Moving Abroad Resets Your Sense of Self

Why the real test abroad isn’t the language—it’s what happens to your ego.

In a recent How It Works story about the things that changed (and didn’t change) after moving to Spain, I noted:

My ego softened—in the best way possible.

Not because I used to be some Type A caricature. I already took care of that part of me during my 25 years in California.

Not because I walked around thinking I was special.

But because living in another country—especially in another language—puts your ego into its proper proportions.

You can’t fake fluency. You can’t perform your way into belonging. You can’t rely on old social cues to signal competence or intelligence.

How It Works: What Moving to Spain Really Changes in You—And What It Absolutely Doesn’t

A few thoughts to expand on that and tie it today’s focus. The idea that—the real identity shift abroad is subtle, internal, and only happens when the environment forces your ego to right-size itself.

Or not. Because sometimes it doesn’t.

And the whole ugly American phenomenon exists inside of that decision. At the juncture where we decide—consciously and sub-consciously—to either swallow our pride and be humble or go in the other, often ugly direction.

Let me explain my theory on this as it pertains to something bigger about who we are, particularly when we significantly change our surroundings.