You Can't Build a Life Around Relief
Moving abroad can solve real problems. But it can't become the entire plan.
Two themes get overplayed in the predominantly shallow discourse about moving abroad: the honeymoon period and the idea of running away from something.
Add both to the list of ideas people repeat so often—in imperfect harmony—that we uncritically accept them as fact.
As I’ve argued previously, people who subscribe to the honeymoon period mindset sometimes set themselves up to fail.
If you go into a move anticipating a honeymoon period there might be a misalignment of expectations. It’s one thing if it’s explicitly stated that you’re setting off on an adventure. It’s entirely another if you’re scheduling that “adventure” for the rest of your life.
In that case, it’s no surprise that you end up falling off the euphoric cliff they've already convinced themselves is waiting. And it’s no wonder that you find discontent in phase two and beyond.
I guess it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Likewise with running away from something. People love to trot out the old tired line: Are you running away from something or are you running toward something?
I could smoke an entire bag of weed and kill fewer brain cells than when I sit through “content” that discusses the honeymoon period and running away versus toward.
We tend to seek relief from discomfort.
Sometimes that makes sense.
It’s hot outside, so you jump in a body of water.
You've got a headache, so you take an aspirin.
All fine and good until you start looking for relief from something more profound than an acute problem.
You feel anxious, so you have a drink or smoke some weed.
Now, we’re on a slippery slope. Works fine for some people, but it’s not necessarily a way to address something bigger than momentary unease.
That said, relief can be rational. Like the drink or the smoke, it’s all about a recognition of what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and how you view it going forward.
Part of the reason for our move to Spain was relief-seeking from:
American geography
driving
inconvenience
hostility
cost
quality-of-life tradeoffs
All real problems. We would be idiots to not seek some form of relief from them. I can’t count the number of people in Los Angeles who go hiking simply to escape—to seek relief—from car culture. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Obviously.
Bars exist—in part—as places of refuge, especially in the United States.
So many people are burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail. They’re poisoned in the bushes and blown out on the trail. They feel hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn.
So we’re always seeking shelter from the storm.
Damn, I’ve turned into quite the poetic writer.
Anyway—the mistake is the inability or refusal to recognize temporary relief for what it is, and understand that it’s not the means to a certain and sustainable end.
Relief removes pressure.
So, you move someplace as a relief-seeking response. You might not be fully—or at all—aware of your deep-seated intent. Things don’t feel right wherever you are, so you take extreme action and pick up and move.
But no matter where you go you can’t remove the trappings of day-to-day life.
You can replace a car with walking, biking, and public transit, but your new setting will only carry your desire to get up in the morning and go out so far.
Life happens. And it can get you down.
As I’ve written, I lost my biggest freelance client at the end of 2025. Around that time, I made the decision to reinvent my work inside of my existing career. The only difference between losing work and shifting its focus in Los Angeles and Spain is that the opportunity presents itself differently here.
The key is not blaming the place for life happening—so many people do, and it irks me—alongside realizing and seizing the opportunity.
There are so many upsides to me studying, thinking and writing about what’s happening in Europe and—in some cases—relating it to the U.S. There are new story arcs to create and pitch and logistical upsides. So I went for it—and it’s happening. At the end of today’s post, you’ll find links to my latest stories for Global Finance Magazine.
But it comes back to having the same type of personality that I’ve had for a while.
No matter where you are, you don’t merely make it work—you eagerly make it work in a way that keeps you excited and smiling (for the most part). Spain certainly aids in that process, but there’s no place that can harvest those ingredients from inside you.
When you make a move like we did, there’s this blob across the ocean that’s always looming.
The United States becomes this thing strangely situated across the Atlantic.
You know you sure as hell don’t want to go back.
Yet sometimes when life gets difficult you find yourself reaching mentally toward it, simply because it was familiar.
It represents relief. Just like Spain can be relief when you’re grinding it out in the United States.
After a move, people mistake this for homesickness all the time. Or the honeymoon period wearing off.
It’s more like comfort seeking and craving a world with a level of built-in familiarity that automatically can make you feel more confident.
This is where Never Retire sneaks back in.
Once relief fades, you’re left with the same question everybody faces:
What am I doing with my life?
Ideally, you ask that question before making a big move—not after you used moving as a soothing mechanism.
Amid a Never Retire mindset, you’re always looking to maintain ways to engage your body and mind as you cross into the second act of life. That’s a big reason why we moved—to avoid stagnation before it had the chance to set in. Across the world—and most definitely in the United States—that's a chronic problem, not an acute one.
One quick note.
This is the first post where I’ve included a sponsor.
I’ve resisted advertising for a long time because I didn’t want this newsletter turning into a collection of affiliate links, relocation schemes, and miracle solutions.
But building something sustainable requires revenue.
Paid subscriptions remain the foundation of this project. Carefully chosen sponsors can help too.
Flamingo reached out after reading the newsletter. The product is useful, the audience fit is obvious, and nobody is paying for editorial influence.
So we’re giving it a try.
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From Global Finance Magazine:
4 Reasons JPMorgan Should Buy Revolut
