What Living Abroad Is Actually Like — And Why Most Writing Misses It
Most writing about living abroad is window dressing
Logistics. Vibes. Lists of things that are cheaper or better or more charming than back home.
None of that is technically wrong. You have to do paperwork. The vibes here in Valencia and across the Europe I’ve seen are incredible. It’s undoubtedly better—and sometimes less expensive—here than it is in the United States.
Quality of life is exponentially higher.
Sounds amazing—and it can be—but we already know this.
And I know that that’s not where the experience actually lives.
What determines whether living abroad works— or just doesn’t—has very little to do with visas, taxes, apartment deposits, or whether cheese costs €35 a kilo. And—in the end—it actually has little to do with how “charming” the place or how the vibrant the street life.
These things can only take you so far. You can be in the ideal physical, social, and cultural setting—as it exists—but still not make it as a viable place to live your day-to-day.
Over the last week, I wrote two posts that were meant to be read together. Not as advice. Not as a relocation guide. But as an honest look at what living abroad actually does to you—emotionally and financially.
The first was about stress.
Specifically, how moving abroad doesn’t eliminate it—it redistributes it.
Some forms of stress disappear. Others become more visible. And the trade isn’t neutral.
If you can’t tolerate certain kinds of ambiguity — social, linguistic, emotional — living abroad becomes exhausting in ways no checklist prepares you for.
The second post was about money, but not in the way “cost of living” is usually discussed.
Not budgets. Not shock-value expenses. Not “hidden costs.”
Instead, it looks at why living abroad rarely saves you money in the way people expect. And how it actually reallocates spending based on how a place invites participation in daily life.
Dense, vibrant places don’t make you spend less.
They make you spend differently.
Read closely and the pattern is obvious.
You can try to optimize living abroad all you want. With “scouting trips” and spreadsheets.
But none of that preparation gets at what actually ends up mattering.
Living abroad tests what kinds of stress you can live with once your setting drastically changes.
It tests how much ambiguity you can tolerate when things don’t resolve cleanly.
It tests whether spending feels intentional rather than like going through the motions.
You can make the move work on paper and still feel off, even in a beautiful, vibrant place, particularly when you realize the intangibles you actually need to persist and—subsequently—thrive.
That’s the part most writing skips because it’s hard to package and impossible to outsource—no checklist, course, or “we’ll take care of it all” solution can do it for you.
This is the area I’m working in now.
Not because I’ve figured anything out.
But because this is where decisions stop being theoretical and start shaping how you actually live.
If you’re thinking about living abroad or entering other unfamiliar territory—or already doing it and wondering why it doesn’t feel the way you thought it would—that’s where the conversation continues for paid subscribers.
—Rocco
We are in the last days in Switzerland before we head to South Africa.
Our short to medium term plan is to spend 8 months of the year there in two stints (Feb to June and mid Sept to mid Dec).
We have been planning for a while. Once we set our sights on where in SA, the rest has been project management. No one step is difficult, there are just a lot of them. We think we will have some work to do to settle in; sorting gym, golf and working out if there are groups we can join. Right now, our mindset is that we have to bring up the discipline to do these things. Discipline = doing the things that need doing even if you don’t want to do them / do them right now. Those communal things will be different to things we have done before; we’ll have to try some things out and make some choices.
So perhaps the philosophical thing here is that there is no magic wand which absolves you of the effort to get things done and organise yourself. The need for discipline and grit just doesn’t go away
Grit = the drive, stamina and fortitude to push through any challenge or obstacle until success is achieved