Never Retire: Life in Spain Includes Paying Taxes—And Living the Life I Want, for the Duration
A few thoughts on entitlement, integration, and the price of a life I actually want
On Monday, Hacienda—Spain’s tax agency, also known as Agencia Tributaria or, in complete form, Agencia Estatal de Administración Tributaria (AEAT)—will draw 20% of my first quarter income from my bank account as part of my tax obligation as a self-employed person—an autónomo—in the country.
If you’re expecting a rant about taxes—complete with my American accent—you have come to the wrong place. Unless you’re Spanish—and even then—or have lived here for a long time—and even more then—I don’t think you have the right to complain about taxes in Spain. You don’t have the right because the things you say are usually wrong. But also because—what the fuck?
As I wrote at Medium on June 20, 2023—
Their kids don’t like the food in Spain.
They’re terrified they won’t be able to find an English-speaking doctor in Spain.
How do they move their three pets, including a parrot, two cars and vintage motorcycle to Spain?
And while they’re at it, they ask for somebody to list — in the comments — every single requirement for whichever fucking visa they say they want to apply for alongside step-by-step directions on how to fulfill each requirement alongside a lawyer who will do it all for them, but at a reasonable price.
Also, they need a place to stay that’s within walking distance to the beach, has a terrace, an American-style kitchen and bathroom, parking — and our budget is 600 euros. Eight hundred euros if we really fall in love with the place.
And because they joined a Facebook group, they assume all of the other members have signed sworn oaths to spoon-feed them all of this information and more — in English — within 14 seconds of their post.
Sure. That was a bit of a rant. But—sadly—it’s true.
People—forgive me for generalizing here, but typically, American and British people—spew this type of tripe all of the time. And these are often—based on my deep statistical analysis—the same people who piss, bitch, and moan about taxes. It was maddening in 2023—a year and a half ahead of our move to Spain.
It’s maddening in April 2025—a full three months plus in.
I spend way less time on Facebook since we moved. But, for the 30 seconds I check in most mornings, I immediately find a tax-related gripe—or three—from people who call themselves expats. It never ends.
As Bruce Springsteen said at one particular point in almost every concert during one specific tour—I'm not bull shittin’ back here.
I’m not sure why—out of a three-hour-plus show—that stuck with me, but maybe it’s because I’m not bull shittin’ back here either.